I get a monthly call from the shrink employed by the halfway house. The halfway house, by the way, is the not not-jail they put you in after prison and before going home to your actual family and life. It’s supposed to ease your transition, but it’s mainly just another exercise in bureaucracy, boredom, and the lucrative world of government contracts.
Anyway, I get a monthly call from the shrink who asks my if I am having homicidal or suicidal thoughts and if my anti-depressants are sitting well with me. Nice check in. I have never actually seen the man. COVID be damned, I would think there would be some sort of face-to-face contact with medical staff allegedly responsible for me not exercising my inherent criminal nature and running berserk. Too much caseload, however, particularly in the age of COVID Cooties.
I suggest that our relationship and my health might be better served by some sort of Artificial Intelligence. I mean Alexa could ask me the same questions as Dr. Feelnothing does; they are simply of a checklist. She could do about as good a job answering my questions. She could keep track of all the halfway house residents and releases more efficiently. She would cost less that a psychiatrist. I’m even more prone emotionally to open up to Alexa than to a person I’ve never met. She is almost certainly more cost efficient, too.
None of this is Dr. Feelnothing’s fault. He’s doing his job inside his prescribed parameters. The problem is the parameters. Foolish methods get foolish results. Halfway to nowhere is still nowhere. And the bureaucracy keeps shuffling numbly along with all of us in tow.
This post makes we ask more questions: who decides the meds and doses? can a patient request alternative doses or meds? or even a different doctor? what if there are unwanted aside effects to meds? (I’m guessing most of these questions will have predictable answers.)
The meds and dosages usually have to go through the MD, though an assistant with prescribing power can sometimes do that. Requesting a different med or dosage is quite a trial because it’s always presumed that inmates are drug seeking, no matter their history or what the request is. As for different doctors, if you get an referral to one of their contract specialists on the outside, then you have a serious issue that’s probably been festering for a while. That or an emergency that needs immediate care, and they will either call an ambulance (and you should see the rigamaroll that produces) or you go out in shackles accompanied by two guards. My friend The Honeybadger used to have to go out for regular specialist treatment, and he would use it as a chance to scare children in hospital waiting rooms. Chained up inmates in public are ridiculously frightening to children.