If you are an oldester like me, you might remember the commercial that touted Wednesdays are Prince Spaghetti Day. (And if you want a nostalgia trip you can view the ad right here.). In federal prison, however, Wednesday lunch means its hamburger day. By and large this is a welcome day. The burger’s aren’t bad. The fried tend to be lacking because they are the frozen, bagged kind, but I don’t think that most folks ever eat any other kind, so that’s just a gourmet distinction I’m making that has little meaning. Once every five weeks you got tater tots, instead of fries, with the burger, and for some reason I find frozen, bagged tots less objectionable than that sort of fry. Since I have been out, I haven’t done a lot of burger eating after five years of the “regular” schedule it’s tempting to avoid that old normal for a while. Still, I have made a few burgers, and they are quite delicious.
My burgers are easy: 80/20 ground beef, mixed with some prepared horseradish, Worcestershire Sauce, salt, and pepper. Lightly mix all the ingredients and form them gently into patties. It’s been too cold and wet to do much grilling since I have been out, but a contact grill (George Foreman style or a panini press) makes for great burger cooking; I like mine done for about 5 minutes on a contact grill. In prison, they will far too often offer up some raw onion as burger topper, which I suppose is very Burger King, but I prefer mine caramelized. To get those, I cut up a white onion into thin slices and add them so a tablespoon or so of butter melted in a saute pan. I salt the onions, and maybe add a shot of Worcestershire to them, too; the key here is patience. Take your time and let them cook down until they are soft and melty and a little brown. Add them to the top of your burger with whatever other vegetables, condiments and cheeses you might like.
As for fries, I always make my own. It’s not difficult. Cut up a regular russet potato (or potatoes) into your preferred fry size, using either a mandolin or your impeccable knife skills. Soak the potatoes in water for about 5 minutes, drain and dry them; this gets out a bunch of starch and will actually make your fries super crispy. Heat vegetable oil to 300 degrees F and put the potatoes in, cooking them until they are relatively limp, about 5 minutes. Take the fried out a drain them on paper towel and crank up the oil to 375 degrees. When the oil is hot, put the fries back in and cook until they are crispy and golden. Drain, salt, and eat them. The double fry is the key. And yes, this seems fussy, but it really takes about the same amount of time it would take to cook bagged, frozen potatoes, and the results are life-changing…in a good way, not in a prison way.